Betzelem Elokim – Page 4 – A Jewish Journey Through Charlotte Mason Mother Culture

Book Review: The Seashore Book by Charlotte Zolotow

Disclosure: Some of the links below may be affiliate links. This means that, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. How else will I afford my used book addiction? You can read my full disclosure statement here.

I own few children’s books as pretty as The Seashore Book.

It’s full of beautiful, realistic paintings (if very dated to the early 90s in the few pictures with people).

This first page of the book sets the story: the book is told in the form of a mother telling her child a story about visiting the seashore, where her son is the main character. It’s a calming, quiet story perfect for bedtime or during the baby’s nap.

Amazon tells me that the book was recently re-released last year (2017), and it looks like they re-did some of the pictures in a brighter style and changed the formatting a bit. From just a glimpse of the sample pages on Amazon, I actually prefer the original 1994 edition. Unfortunately, the lowest price for that version on Amazon as of today is $40 (new; used copies as low as $5.50). Compared to $14 for the new version, no contest, I’d buy the new one. However, this older book is a great candidate to look for at library used book sales, library discard sales, and other used book sources. I found it for $4! And it was in person, so no shipping!

A side benefit of the book I didn’t expect: I don’t know how to tell stories. I much prefer reading them aloud. This book is a great middle ground because by reading the book, I learn one way to tell a story and build some “muscle memory” of phrasing, so to speak.

Because we often visit the beach, I prioritize finding naturalist-style books about the ocean and beach, and this one is excellent. Highly, highly recommend The Seashore Book!

What I Wish I’d Known: Book Binding

Horror of horrors. I bought a used copy of Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards, and a section of pages immediately fell out! Because of course they did.

Broken copy of Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards

Now what am I supposed to do?? Until now, I’d just stuffed the pages back into the book and stuck it back on the shelf. Except I’d just started reading this book! And now I have a toddler! There was no way this book would survive marginally intact.

I turned to social media for help, as you do.

I recently bought book tape to repair some spines (totally aspirational – haven’t gotten around to it yet), but that didn’t seem like the right tool to repair something inside the book. And apparently that was right. A librarian recommended a special kind of glue. My reaction: ugh something else I have to buy and don’t know how to use. But sure. I’d do it. It’s a good skill for a book hoarder to know.

But then someone came along with a radical idea: take it to an office supply store and put it on a spiral binding. I admit I scoffed a little at first. That would ruin the book!!1! But she had a great point that with a spiral binding, it could lay flat, and that sounded nice. After sitting on it for a week or so, I decided that was actually a brilliant idea.

I had already intended to print out my Exploring Nature with Children curriculum PDF and make it spiral bound, so why not hit two birds with one stone? And they came out great! Pretty cheap for a store too, $14 for both bindings and to cut the original binding off my book.

Maybe one day I’ll get my own spiral binding-thingy-majigger!

Book Review: The Plug-In Drug by Marie Winn

What a title, amirite?? I can’t deny it; the title is what sucked me in. The Plug-In Drug: Television, Computers, and Family Life. That’s pretty inflammatory. Imagine the reactions and debates you’d get from posting this picture on your social media!

It’s actually quite a lot milder than I expected. Downright reasonable. She obviously doesn’t want you to have screen-time, especially before certain ages, but she knows that’s not on the agenda for many people and especially not for parents’ media consumption. She gives great advice for reducing screen-time even if you have no plan to eliminate it.

This updated edition includes some information about modern screens, but no book currently available yet give a full analysis of those new forms of media. The studies need time to make long-term predictions, though there are some studies floating around already. Though, like the author, I think we can extrapolate many common-sense conclusions of what their effects might be based on a couple of generations of TV consumption, a generation of desktop computer usage, and our own reactions to new media (I can sure tell you about my own smartphone addiction).

We’re not a screen-free home, but we’re very close to one. We watch TV on a laptop every day for about a half hour. During dinner, no less! ::gasp!:: But it’s tv for us, not the kids, though they’re present, which is getting to be more complicated as the toddler gets older. We watch the news. One angle to TV consumption I haven’t yet seen addressed in this age of new media is how we watch TV: it’s a 20 minute clip, but we take 30-40 minutes to watch it. Because we constantly stop it to debate the material we just heard, add additional info we know on the subject, or share what the segment just reminded us of. It’s a very interactive, and honestly, it’s one of my favorite times of day. Let’s be honest: it’s usually the only intellectual conversation I get with an adult all day long, and in person no less! With a guy I sorta like! And if I were being even more honest, I like the structuring of our conversation. My day is full of baby, toddler, and information related to babies and toddlers. Some days, I don’t know what else I’d talk about with my husband when he came home. Rather than racking my brain for something “interesting” (and he’s very picky about what interests him), we have topics provided by a third party in a way that interests us both and then gives us equal footing to them discuss and debate. When my brain is fried at the end of a day of tantrums (both mine and the children’s), that is worth its weight in gold. The power of a simple pause button, effectively.

I think this approach to screens deserves study: how can we make new media more interactive and utilize its ability to actually stimulate interaction between real human beings?

But if you’re like me and have a smartphone problem, I highly recommend the free app Moment. (Check out this slightly-out-of-date review on Lifehacker.) I liked it so much I even paid for a premium account (after using the free version for about a year I think) so I could do the harsher bootcamp. I cut an average of 42 minutes a day of phone usage in two weeks. That was about two weeks ago, and I have good and bad days, but I am using my phone less than I was before. I’m sure I’ll write a more comprehensive post about that soon enough because it’s amazing. (They also have a free sister app called Focus that helps you stay off your phone while driving. Unfortunately, they haven’t worked out using the app when you also use your phone as a GPS. I just checked my app, and it says I spent 3.5 hours on my phone while driving in the last month, which was almost entirely GPS time. But the verbal reminders to turn off my phone are why I use it.)

Keeping It Real

Today I’d already had three major temper tantrums. I was tired, I was cold, and I just wanted to listen to podcasts in peace (so I can learn about being a good mom and homeschooler instead of actually doing it) while my toddler played in the yard. But I listened to CM, knew what I “ought” to do, sucked it up, and pulled out the grass encroaching in the garden I’ve been ignoring… and it turned into an impromptu introduction to roots and how plants eat.

Grass with roots and dirt

Did she “get” it? At just over 2 years old, probably not. But now she knows the word roots, might recognize them again in the future, might recognize them on a different plant. Maybe she made a warm and fuzzy connection to the idea of nature and plants and gardens. Maybe she just enjoyed playing in dirt with her Ima. These are all great goals for a toddler.

Trust the process. It works even when I’m not in a good place. Just get outside. Just take a little step and look for something positive to do. Even if it’s three steps back and one step forward, that’s ok. End the day moving in the right direction and on a good note, if at all possible.

Parenting #ProTip I learned from a baby book at some point: the outdoors is like a “reset” button for a crying child. Whenever there’s a tantrum or inconsolable crying, we step out on the back porch, and within a few minutes, they usually stop. They might start up again when we come back inside, but usually not. Usually we’ve changed the tenor of the moment and can start fresh. I always forget this tip when I’m at the end of my rope, but with enough “practice,” I’m beginning to remember. Two kids under two gives me a lot of practice.

Book Review: Raising a Child with Soul by Slovie Jungreis-Wolff

As central as children and family are in the Jewish world, there really isn’t that many parenting books. I was even surprised how few books there are on the halacha related to raising children, especially babies. (There are a fair number of books on chinuch, as in teaching Jewish law and practice to your children, but those have seemed to me often limited to just ritual practice matters and often skewed toward male children, based on perusal in bookstores. Having girls, I haven’t bothered to buy any yet but probably will soon enough.) But when I asked around for the halachic considerations of having a newborn, the response was overwhelmingly:

Friend/Facebook: What do you mean? What’s there to know?

Me: Like halacha of kids. I’ve heard people talking about how you need to change diapers differently on Shabbat. Rules for how to sort toys to clean them up. Feeding meat and milk to kids. Can you wash breastmilk or formula bottles in a meat dishwasher? C’mon. How do you not see a million questions here?

Friend/FB: I never thought about that. It seemed obvious. / I just did what I had to do and didn’t ask questions I didn’t want answers to. / I just did what my mom or friends do.

Color me shocked. We analyze everything. Everything. Every detail of life. Why did I see so little discussion of halacha with kids? There are some books, mostly older. (I don’t recommend them – ask your posek/mom/friends. Way too many issues involved, and the books just give the most stringent answer based on assumptions that aren’t always articulated clearly.)

There’s a similar lack of books about parenting Jewishly, though there are more coming out all the time, mostly from the non-orthodox perspective, which I think is interesting. I have several Jewish parenting books I’m going to be reading over the next year or so, so look forward to more reviews! But let’s start with an excellent one: Raising a Child with Soul: How Time-Tested Jewish Wisdom Can Shape Your Child’s Character.

Raising a Child with Soul by Slovie Jungreis-Wolff

But what if you’re not Jewish? Is this still worth a read? Sure, why not? Given the nature of the parenting publishing world, I read a lot of parenting books explicitly written from a Christian perspective (heck, most of the Charlotte Mason community writes from this perspective). I’ve learned a great deal from them. You take what works and leave what doesn’t, and that’s true for every parenting book we encounter. Personally, I find it interesting to read parenting books that present cultures very different from my own, whether Christian, Dutch, or French. (Those are the groups I’ve read the most about.) Seeing common questions from a very different perspective of your own and with very different justifications or assumptions, you can analyze your own perspective and assumptions with a fresh eye.

I was so happy to discover this book at the library. I knew about the author’s mother, Rebbetzin Jungreis from the Hineni Center in Manhattan. When I was in my first year of law school and not actively affiliated with a community, I began watching Shalom TV since my roommates had cable (my first time with cable in 10 years at the time!). I was floored to find a Jewish channel on tv! Each Shabbat morning, I would watch a parsha shiur by Rebbetzin Jungreis on Shalom TV, and it was a major part of what pulled me back into shul and my conservative conversion (affectionately referred to as Conversion 1.0). When I learned that her daughter had written a book on parenting, I knew I wanted to read it. But at the time, I didn’t have any kids! Then of course I forgot about it.

I highly recommend this book. I like that this book gives Jewish sources and perspectives on the gentle parenting practices thankfully prominent today. But while still being authoritative and maintaining a clear distinction between parent and child, which I personally think is an important component of gentle parenting. There must be a foundation of respect of a parent, just because they’re the parent. While a child deserves respect as a born person, my home is still a benevolent dictatorship at the end of the day. She can’t understand every reason for the actions I take, and that’s ok and means I don’t always have to explain myself in the here and now. She’ll understand later. And while I’m happy to reconsider a situation based on new facts, I’m not trying to raise a lawyer who negotiates every decision. That’s not always a popular thing to say in the crunchy-ish groups I belong to, but my own life experience has shown that friend-based parenting isn’t a model I believe in.

And that’s also the model Charlotte Mason advocates. Both would argue that a child deserves a reason if they ask, but they also must be obedient regardless of whether they understand our reasoning or not. I believe both offered this excellent advice: if you tell your child to do something (and you shouldn’t overwield this power), and the child asks “why,” they can have an answer. But only after they’ve done what you asked. After they’ve obeyed quickly and cheerfully, they can come back to you for an answer and discussion. Funnily enough, they rarely come back because during the action, they magically remembered the reason you’ve explained to them 32 times before. It was usually just a stalling tactic. You’ve respected their request, respected their personhood by making reasonable requests in the first place, and also demanded the obedience that builds good character.

This book doesn’t explicitly say so (that I remember, but I remember hints at it), but Jewish parenting fulfills a key aspect of CM’s parenting advice: your child should understand that you too are bound by rules and must do the things you “ought” with quick and cheerful obedience just like they have to. Parents must obey Gd and the secular laws, just as a child must obey his parents. Few religious communities make that as clear to children as halachically-observant Jews. We have so many opportunities to model quick and cheerful obedience in our own behavior: “I’d really like a piece of cheesecake, but I just ate meat. I’ll have to wait three (or six or whatever) hours. Darn! Oh well. Wanna go read a book?”

The only downside of this book is that I didn’t connect well to the examples given. The author’s work is obviously primarily with very wealthy families. I’m not wealthy. It seemed that many of the parents were not orthodox like the author (and myself, though we are likely from very different orthodox communities), but I didn’t find that to be a barrier to connecting with the examples. Maybe that’s because I haven’t always been orthodox, but I think both orthodox and non-orthodox folks can connect with these examples.

On the other hand, I did have a hard time connecting to the example because I have different parenting practices than they do. I don’t (yet) have iPad and Disney World battles, and I hope that my parenting practices will nip most of those questions in the bud. For example, we’re not totally screen-free, but we’re close to it.

But I’d love to have summer home and international vacation problems. Hook me up!

Tl;Dr: Check it out, Raising a Child with Soul is definitely worth a read. Very practical and presents a different model of authoritative parenting than I’ve seen before, though many writers today tackle that fine line between permissive and authoritarian parenting. If you struggle with that line between being a crunchy parent and a traditional American parent, this one will speak to both sides of you and harmonize the best parts. If you lean toward one side or the other, you might benefit from a different viewpoint that’s still closer to the middle of the parenting spectrum.

Book Review: The Nature Fix by Florence Williams

Have you read Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv? (If not, you should – it’s foundational reading!) The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative is like a follow-up to LCITW, and the author does seem to see her work as an heir to his work. While Last Child is more about a parenting/life philosophy, this book looks deeper into backing up that philosophy with scientific studies. And it’s funny to boot. Another great accidental library find!

How much nature do we need? What’s the minimal effective “dose” of nature? And do we need every aspect of nature or will only parts of nature do? Each part of the book looks at a different sense and what studies say about its relationship with nature. Can you get the benefits (or some of them) from smelling nature sounds? What about seeing a picture of nature rather than the real thing out a window? This is such a clever/ingenious way to structure a book about nature!

Even better, if you can’t get outside as much as you’d like (say you live in Finland or are in a hospital), this book can give you ideas on ways to bring more nature inside your home as effectively as possible. We might think of posting pictures on the walls or keeping our curtains open, but would you think to listen to bird calls or introduce woodland smells?

I’ll go ahead and give you the spoiler: what’s the minimum “dose” of nature we need? Five hours a month. According to at least one group of researchers, we only need five hours a month. I had two reactions to this piece of information:

a) Five hours a month?? That’s nothing!

b) Oh crap. We don’t get outside even half that.

And that was my come-to-Jesus moment (a definition if that’s a new phrase for you). I felt actual shame at failing to meet such a simple goal. I’m not the type to shame easily, especially in Mommyshaming. But getting outside is something I valued, even before finding Charlotte Mason, and I’d been studying Charlotte Mason for many months at that point. I was not walking my talk, even though this “standard” was dead easy to meet. And not even close to the standard Ms. Mason set for “tolerably fine” days:

“[T]here is a great deal to be done and a great deal to be prevented during these long hours in the open air. And long hours they should be; not two, but four, five, or six hours they should have on every tolerably fine day, from April till October.” Vol 1, p44 [Emphasis mine]

I’m happy to report that things are much improved, even with the four snowstorms in four weeks. As of the last week, I’ve even gotten us outside TWICE in a day most days!

“All we have said hitherto applies to the summer weather, which is, alas for us! a very limited and uncertain quantity in our part of the world. The question of out-of-door exercise in winter and in wet weather is really more important; for who that could would not be abroad in the summer time? If the children are to have what is quite the best thing for them, they should be two or three hours every day in the open air all through winter, say an hour and a half in the morning and as long in the afternoon.” vol 1, p85

Honestly, I wouldn’t have thought to aim for two visits to our back yard in a day because isn’t one enough?? The coats, the boots, strapping on the baby, picking up the dog poop… It feels harder than staying cooped up in the playroom.

But is it harder to stay inside? Yesterday, I read several chapters in a book. The day before that, I “read” half of a bird field guide. Today, I did my taxes. (I’m living the life, can’t you tell?) When we’re in the playroom, I spend nearly all my time either reading to the Treacherous Toddler or fending off her “READ ME A BOOK”s. And no cleanup needed. Not to mention that the Needy Newborn happily sleeps on my chest almost the whole time we’re outside. The startup cost feels high, but I think the inertial choice of staying inside is actually more work in the end.

Read The Nature Fix if you need a little extra chizuk to get outside or to find ways to bring more nature into your life even when you can’t get outside. And if you haven’t read Last Child in the Woods yet, read that first! (Until you’ve read Last Child in the Woods, can you really call yourself a Charlotte Mason enthusiast? The way people talk about it, you’d think it was printed in the back of the Volumes!)

Need More Pesach Resources? PJ Library Will Hook You Up!

It’s down to the wire, folks. Pesach is coming! Did you get so caught up in prep that you forgot to plan the fun? Check out PJ Library’s Passover page for songs, games, ideas, recipes, and anything else you might need to enrich Pesach for your kids!

PJ Library | Jewish Holidays: Passover

Book Review: Plan Bee by Susan Brackney

Want an easy and enjoyable nature study read? This is it! Short, funny, and really easy to understand. You too can begin fact-checking board books that mix up bumblebees and honeybees!

The author dreamed of raising backyard chickens. And then when she finally bought a house, the city outlawed them. Plan B: bees. Sort of by accident. (I loved this story, btw.)

Like the best living books, this is one written by a non-expert who became an expert because she loves her subject. And loves sharing what she learned with other people. I discovered this quite by accident when I discovered the animal book shelf at the library (call number 595), and I’m so glad! Let’s be honest, it was short and had an eye-catching cover.

I highly recommend Plan Bee: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Hardest-Working Creatures on the Planet as a quick-enough-to-read-on-Shabbat read!

Book Review: Hava Nagila by Sheldon Feinberg

This book is about the most perfect Jewish living book I can imagine. It’s very short, and a quick read. But O.M.G. this story, y’all. I can’t even find this book on Goodreads, but there are a couple of used copies on Amazon. I doubt it’s in print, but it really should be. It’s a book not written by an expert on Jewish music. Just a student of the subject who really loves his teacher’s work, and every ounce of that passion and love comes across in the pages. I was sucked in and couldn’t put it down.

I heard on the Jewish Charlotte Mason Facebook group that there was a great children’s book about Hava Nagila and the story of its creation. I quickly found only one book titled Hava Nagila in our library system and ordered it, not at all considering whether there might be multiple books on this topic. (I’m going to blame that obvious oversight on newborn sleep deprivation – this was in the very early days.) It’s not a children’s book, though it could certainly be read to children. In fact, I think this could be a great inspirational story for elementary and middle school-aged kids.

I’m recommending it as #MotherCulture, but I think it’s a great read for anyone Jewish. (It probably requires too much prior knowledge for me to recommend it to non-Jews as a general rule.)

In a nutshell: the song Hava Nagila, you know, the most famous Jewish song on earth, was written by a 12 year old boy. TWELVE YEARS OLD. As a homework assignment!! And was not at all recognized for it. It spread through his class and to their families and then to the shuls of those families, slowly all over the world. It was generally attributed then (and now) as a “traditional” song, but it’s not. He created it around the turn of the century. The only downside of this book is that there’s almost no mention of years, especially in the early parts of the story. So I could only estimate the timeline as the story progressed, which I didn’t like, but I was willing to forgive because the story is so good.

Moshe Nathanson went on to a great body of work as a Jewish educator and cantor in the flagship synagogue of the Reconstructionist movement in Manhattan. He profoundly influenced American Jewish education by training hundreds (was it thousands? I forget) of Jewish day school teachers in Jewish music in the early 20th century and even wrote the book on Jewish music education that was used at the time. (Is it still used? I don’t know.) He even taught my father-in-law at his yeshiva as part of a traveling Jewish music educators program! Yet my FIL had never heard any of these accomplishments, just that he was a talented cantor and teacher. He must have been as humble as the book author asserts, since he could have capitalized on his connection to Hava Nagila, but even today, many (most?) people don’t know it’s a modern song with a known composer.

Oh yeah. He also wrote the song we use for bentching. Another song always attributed to the ether as a “traditional” tune. No big deal.

And there’s still more to the story. Check it out. Really.

I’m not normally the “omg!!!11!” exclamation point person, but this book made me one. I highly recommend it for a quick, easy, and downright enjoyable read. It even gave my cold, dark heart the warm fuzzies.

A Free Pesach Handicrafts Guide

Ms. Mason advocates that all handicrafts should be made for a purpose, for practical use. No glitter-for-the-sake-of-glitter around here:

“Points to be borne in mind in children’s handicrafts are: a) that they should not be employed in making futilities such as pea and stick work, paper-mats and the like; b) that they should be taught slowly and carefully what they should do; c) that slipshod work should not be allowed; d) and, that, therefore, the children’s work should be kept well within their compass.” (Vol. 1, p315-316)

In fact, you should (in general) lump together the concepts of “crafts” and life skills. And CM often had her students make handicrafts for the express purpose of being donated to the needy.

Children’s book publisher Kar-Ben has released a free digital mini-ebook: Passover Crafts for Little Hands, which has several presumably-useful crafts. It includes:

Seder Plate
Matzah Cover
Tie-Dye Afikomen Cloth
Matzah Tray
Haggadah Bookmark
Four Question Reminder

Or maybe you’d like to make your own if your kids are too young or “too old” for these projects! Know someone or a charity who would appreciate one of these as a gift?